Posted by: TLC Fellowship | May 21, 2013

My Story

By Lauren Gordon, Member of TLC Fellowship

I have a penchant for storytelling. I think I was in middle school when I realized that I had a gift for writing and storytelling. Stories can be so powerful and touch others in amazing ways. I believe that a story is the most effective when the author has a personal or emotional connection to their tale. This requires some form of transparency. Unfortunately, that is not my thing. So, things I’ve written have been largely parts of other people’s stories that have just resonated with me—connecting emotionally, but almost never personally. But I think God gave me a great story to tell. So I’m going to start dismantling my wall now. That being said, this is not a devotional. This is not an attempt to wow and impress with my biblical knowledge. This is simply… my story.

I first noticed I was starting to change during the second semester of my freshman year of college, February of 2006. I was always tired and couldn’t seem to find the motivation to do anything. My friends couldn’t get me to really do much and when they did, it was by “force”. I knew something was off, but I couldn’t call It. Then, It started to escalate. I soon found myself feeling the deepest, most excruciating sadness I’ve ever experienced. The most telling thing about it was that no matter what I tried, I couldn’t shake It. I couldn’t just make myself feel better. I stopped eating because I didn’t have the energy to and I cried every single day, usually multiple times and for no apparent reason. I felt like I was falling into a black hole and all my attempts to get out were counterproductive. By March, I was so miserable and broken that I did the only thing I could think to do. I called my mom and said four words I will never forget, “I think I’m depressed.” As it turns out, I was right. When I came home, my mom took me to see a psychiatrist. I was diagnosed with severe Major Depressive Disorder and placed on medication. She told me that I had a chemical imbalance that had been exacerbated by other situations to the point that I had hit rock bottom. For a while, I was so embarrassed by it all that I wouldn’t even talk to my parents about it. But one day, I came out of my room and sat on the couch with my dad. He asked me why I hadn’t talked to him yet about what was going on. I told him that as a Christian, I am supposed to be strong enough spiritually to fight this. In essence, I should be able to “pray my way out” of this depression and I was so ashamed of my failure to do so. My dad looked at me and said something I will never forget. He said, “Well, you do pray. But sometimes the answer to the prayer is a doctor and some medication.” He told me I had nothing to be ashamed of.

To this day, I consider 2006 to be the worst year of my life. But 2006 is also the year I became the woman that I am today. God brought me out of depression with my right mind and with a strength and peace that I cannot explain. My walk through the valley grew my faith because I could say for myself that I know what God can bring us out of. Had I not gone through this, I wouldn’t be able to be there for two of my friends who went through the same thing a few years later. This became my testimony. Now I can say with confidence that God can use any situation and any person to His glory. I’m proof.


Responses

  1. How courageous of you to share your story with us. I’m so very glad that you found the strength to do it. I know your story is helping someone somewhere right now. God Bless!

  2. Lauren, Thank you for your willing transparency. I am so thankful for your story because it will help so many of us. God bless and keep you is my prayer!

  3. Thank you Lauren see what a Blessing you are to others!!!


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